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Story Help?

So I wrote this chapter and I think it's a bit boring and I tried to fix it but it still seems boring.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you, I’m not even sure why I came, I’ll get a taxi home” I 発言しました setting down my cup of お茶, 紅茶 after a 分 and preparing to stand up.
“No don’t worry about it love, あなた can stay here for a while if あなた like” Louis spoke quickly. I looked at him for a moment before leaning back into the couch,
“Ok, thanks” I smiled at him.
“I like your ring” Louis stated and I looked down remembering I was still wearing it.
“My dad gave it to me for my birthday” I 発言しました trying to keep my voice even.
“When was your birthday?” Louis asked with a smile.
“Yesterday”
“Halloween? That’s cool”
“Yeah”
“How old did あなた turn?”
“19”
“It’s a pretty ring” Louis continued despite the fact that I was being extremely uncommunicative.
“Yeah”
“So did your dad throw a party for あなた または something?” Louis was still smiling. He was so oblivious it was unfair. I shook my head as tears formed in my eyes. I stared down at my lap. “Hope are あなた ok?” I shook my head again and a tear fell. Louis moved over so he was sitting 次 to me. He put his arm around me and I sniffed, scrunching up my face and trying to stop the flow of tears.
We just sat there for a 分 like that. Not saying anything but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It felt nice having his arm around me but all of a sudden I remembered Zayn and the キッス and a knew flow of tears came on. Before long it would be like a cartoon and the room would be flooded with my tears.
“It actually happened the night I was born” I began after I’d calmed down a bit, “My dad was driving to the hospital after he got the call from my mum. It was at night so obviously people had been partying and drinking. My dad was so excited about getting a girl, he always wanted a girl…he didn’t see the drunk driver at the roundabout unt
 Emmy808 posted 1年以上前
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zanhar1 said:
I think it's fine as is. If あなた try to make it interesting too fast あなた can possibly ruin it, in some cases making a story interesting in the first sentence can make the story seem a little rushed. Some of the best pieces of literature have slower, less action packed beginnings. So keep the story flowing the way あなた have it. ^_^

That's my opinion anyhow.
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posted 1年以上前 
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ok thank あなた :)
Emmy808 posted 1年以上前
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No problem. :)
zanhar1 posted 1年以上前
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