In the months after Jim's untimely death, I remained very sad. Jim and I used to enjoy jogging together. I still enjoyed jogging, but it got lonely doing it alone. None of my other フレンズ were interested in that. The bullying really picked up. My remaining フレンズ would stand up for me, but that didn't stop the bullies from bullying me. Sometimes they would beat me. Many times, I would pretend I needed to use the restroom so that I could be alone to cry. One day, when I was sitting at home, I saw a pocket knife. I honestly don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all, but I began making small cuts on my legs. Strangely enough, it made me forget about all my troubles for a brief period. I kept on doing it. One day, I went to school, and my friend, Chelsea, noticed that I was wearing pants. She said, "It's a pleasant 日 outside. Why are あなた wearing pants?" I said, "I just put something on. I didn't think about the weather at all." I then let out a sad sigh. She asked, "Are あなた okay?" I said, "I'm just fine." She said, "No, you're not." I rolled up my pants legs. She said, "Oh, my God! Aubrey, what happened?!" I said, "I fell while I was jogging." She said, "You're telling the truth, aren't you?" I said, "Chelsea, I don't lie to you." I felt so dirty, because I had lied to a friend for the first time in my life. If Jim had still been living, I could have told him about it. He would have understood. He was my best friend. However, I had only known Chelsea for a year, so I didn't trust her as much as I trusted Jim. That day, when I came ホーム from school, my father asked, "Did あなた have a good day?" I said, "I guess so." He said, "You guess so?" He then noticed that I was wearing pants. He said, "You're wearing pants. Why is that?" I reluctantly showed him. He asked, "Did あなた fall?" I said, "Yeah, I fell." He asked, "Are あなた all right?" I said, "I'm fine. I'm okay." I lied again. I wasn't okay. I had not been okay since January, and it was early May. One day, when I was making another cut, my mother walked in on me. "Aubrey!" she cried. "What are あなた doing?!" I burst into tears. She asked, "What's going on?" I said, "Cutting myself is what's keeping me alive right now." She asked, "Why didn't あなた tell me about how あなた were feeling?" I said, "I thought you'd think I'm crazy." She hugged me and said, "I 愛 you. You're not crazy." She began doing research on how to help me, and ways I could distract myself if I thought about cutting. I took an interest in music, and my father bought me a guitar. I started playing it, despite the fact that I never had lessons. It turned out that I had natural talent. I began 書く a few songs, but there were days I still had to fight myself not to cut.
September 8, 2011
I am feeling much better today. I don't feel great, but I feel much better than I did a few days ago. I was able to go to school today. Michael, Sabrina, and Bridget helped me get caught up in my classes. I'm lucky to have such good friends. Of course, I did feel a bit tired after finishing my homework. I took a nap for a while. When I woke up, it was almost 6:00 pm. I didn't realize I had slept that long. When ディナー time came, I ate really well. I didn't feel like eating much for the past couple of days. My appetite has returned. I think I will go to ベッド early tonight. I'm feeling pretty tired right now. I'm not completely better, but I'm close to it.
I am feeling much better today. I don't feel great, but I feel much better than I did a few days ago. I was able to go to school today. Michael, Sabrina, and Bridget helped me get caught up in my classes. I'm lucky to have such good friends. Of course, I did feel a bit tired after finishing my homework. I took a nap for a while. When I woke up, it was almost 6:00 pm. I didn't realize I had slept that long. When ディナー time came, I ate really well. I didn't feel like eating much for the past couple of days. My appetite has returned. I think I will go to ベッド early tonight. I'm feeling pretty tired right now. I'm not completely better, but I'm close to it.
June 11, 2011
Summer Vacation has been great so far. While I've been enjoying school もっと見る since I've gained a couple of friends, it's nice to have a break from it. I also received some exciting news. On July 9, I am going to be in Chicago to see The Devil Wants Peace in concert! I was so excited when my uncle told me he was able to afford the tickets. I later told my friend, Michael, "You should have seen me when my uncle told me the good news. I was jumping up and down, crying tears of joy." Normally, I'm not that excitable, but The Devil Wants Peace is one of my お気に入り bands. Since I was six, I dreamed of seeing them live, and now, I can stop dreaming. This dream is becoming a reality. I don't know if I'll be lucky enough to meet them, but the fact that I'm lucky enough to see them is great.
Summer Vacation has been great so far. While I've been enjoying school もっと見る since I've gained a couple of friends, it's nice to have a break from it. I also received some exciting news. On July 9, I am going to be in Chicago to see The Devil Wants Peace in concert! I was so excited when my uncle told me he was able to afford the tickets. I later told my friend, Michael, "You should have seen me when my uncle told me the good news. I was jumping up and down, crying tears of joy." Normally, I'm not that excitable, but The Devil Wants Peace is one of my お気に入り bands. Since I was six, I dreamed of seeing them live, and now, I can stop dreaming. This dream is becoming a reality. I don't know if I'll be lucky enough to meet them, but the fact that I'm lucky enough to see them is great.