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Manatees Are Sweeter Than あなた 記事

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Opinion by candyfreak1109 posted 1年以上前
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Hi all! It's been a while since my last 記事 on manatees...that's because I've been on a world class manatee expedition and I HAVE BREAKING NEWS TO SHARE!

Readers of my column will be the first to learn of this breaking research discovery: the captain of the research team I was part of is... AN EXACT COPY OF EDWARD CULLEN!!! Oh my gosh...he was so CUTE!!! If he was a hungry vampire I'd gladly let him bite me!

I'd write him notes like: "Do あなた like me? Check 'yes' または 'no'" but he wouldn't reply. I guess he's shy.

Anyway we didn't see any manatees because they were hibernating in the Bahamas but the time spent with my Edward Cullen look-alike didn't go to waste: I realized that the "Twilight" series dark hero has teeth similar to those of a manatee so I'm able to justify the time spent on "research".

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Opinion by candyfreak1109 posted 1年以上前
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Like any mammal that's sensitive, kind and loving the manatee is subject to addiction.

And like クモ, スパイダー monkeys they are addicted to Tab.

Not the citrus goodness of Fresca. But the cola sweetness of Tab.

And yes, they still make the stuff.

An アイコン from the 70’s, Tab is big stuff with manatees. あなた can spot addicted manatees because their belches smell like Tab and they wear ベル bottom jeans. They also like the
”Twilight” book series.

So 次 time you’re walking in the park and the sun sets be sure you’re not walking 次 to a salt water lake with a can of Tab.

あなた might get boogie-oogied out of it によって a 1200 lb fish.

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Opinion by candyfreak1109 posted 1年以上前
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They're big. They're cute. And they're gassy.

This is a story of a gassy manatee named Gary whose flatulence is creating an enviromental nightmare.

That's because every time Gary passes gas hundreds of CEO's from natural gas companies flock together and try to capture the valuable methane in efforts to resell it to an energy-starved nation.

"It's like Gary farts gold," 発言しました one CEO of a natural gas company in Detroit.

It's not the gas that Gary passes that's as much of a concern as all the hot air that comes from the CEO's as they spout-off myths about the need for もっと見る natural gas exploration.
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Opinion by candyfreak1109 posted 1年以上前
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Yep. あなた betcha. Manatees are British. Just think about it:
1. Their name gives it away: "Man-a-tee" または "a man who drinks tea" または "British dude". It's clever the way they tried to fool us but we caught on pretty gosh darn quick.
2. They have big teeth...like British guys.
3. They 移動する slowly...like British guys leaving the buffet line at a "biscuits and crumpets" all-you-can eat diner.
4. They pass gas when あなた tug on their fingers...if they had any. Like British guys. They don't have fingers. Just "mittens".
5. When they drive their cars and pull into a gas station they say "Bloody well clean me windscreen!" which is British for "Hi! My name is Bob and it sure is a great 日 for meeting fine neighbors like you!" Most people don't realize that manatees have a thriving automotive community underwater because most people don't ever see manatees driving. That's because--like the British--manatees drive on the wrong side of the road and ofter wreck their cars right before scuba divers with cameras can get pictures.
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