Lucifer recap: 'All About Her' 

After a midseason break interrupted only by a flashback episode, we pick up with Pierce bleeding all over Lucifer’s bar following the reveal that he’s the world’s oldest murderer. He tells Lucifer that he killed the Sinnerman because his former right-hand man went rogue.

He cops to having Lucifer kidnapped and left in the desert but denies working with God to return Lucifer’s wings. When Lucifer threatens to tell the world who he really is, Pierce scoffs that nobody even believes that Lucifer’s the devil. Fair point, sir.

Chloe may not believe Lucifer’s the devil, but she’s definitely still angry with him for his actions during the Sinnerman debacle and for not apologizing afterward. Maze stops testing out her new knife long enough to advise Chloe that Lucifer’s never going to change. “He is who he is.”

So when Chloe gets a call that pro surfer Manny “the Moondog” Taylor was found choked to death with a surf leash on Carbon Beach, upsetting the wealthy property owners nearby, she doesn’t bother asking Lucifer to come along with her.

But he shows up anyway, although it’s to ask for Chloe’s help in investigating Pierce, not to apologize, so she kicks him off the beach, telling him to go spend time with the person he loves the most: himself.

Although Manny had a fight with fellow surfer “Dangerous Doug,” it’s not enough for a search warrant to look for DNA on Doug’s surf leash. So Chloe heads to the Huntington Swell Classic to see if she can get Doug to voluntarily turn over his leash for testing.

Before she leaves, though, she discovers Pierce packing his office, having put in for an immediate transfer. Chloe’s rattled and urges him to take some time to think about it, but he tells her it’s a done deal. Okay, seriously, somebody please remind me what it is that Chloe sees in this guy?

Lucifer, upset with his Chloe interaction, visits Dr. Linda. She urges him to see things from her perspective, and naturally, Lucifer gets excited by the thought that making it all about her could in turn cause her to make it all about him.

So he beats Chloe to Huntington and signs her up for the surf competition so she can get close to Doug, handing her a set of credentials and a tiny bikini, only one of which she accepts.

Chloe introducing herself to Doug as a fan, but just when she notices blood on his board, the monitors flash a photo of her in uniform as they announce that Chloe “the Detective” Decker’s the next surfer up. Lucifer’s not so great with the undercover legends, in other words.

Doug tries to run, but under questioning admits it’s because he recently collided with a seal and assumed the police were after him for killing “a dog of the sea.” Awww, RIP seal!

Lucifer, stung at being excluded from the interrogation, asks Detective Douche — er, Dan — for advice on making up with Chloe. Dan tells him to be thoughtful without getting in her face and launches into a story about making breakfast in bed, but when he turns around, Lucifer’s gone.

Also gone? All of Ella’s aggressive cheerfulness, which Charlotte notices immediately. Ella admits that Pierce told her that she talks too much, so she’s trying to tone it down, which absolutely breaks my heart.

Charlotte says that if she fell apart every time a man told her he didn’t like what she was doing, she’d be in a million pieces right now. Instead, she forged ahead, built her own law firm, and just look at her now, “in this entry-level DA job.” Ha! She advises Ella to get a thicker skin.

Not content just to mentor, Charlotte confronts Pierce at the coffee station, sneering, “You’re just that kind of bully who makes me miss my old self.” Yesss, put that old Charlotte Richards hauteur to use! Pierce is confused that a woman he never met is yelling at him, but he figures it out when Charlotte takes him to task for crushing Ella’s spirits.

Ella apparently took Charlotte’s words to heart because when Lucifer swings by her lab, she yells at him and then immediately apologizes, explaining that she was trying to figure out how to stand up for herself before Pierce transfers out of the precinct. The news sends Lucifer scurrying from the room.

Okay, time for a quick check-in with Amenadiel, who receives some shocking news this week: He’s contracted chlamydia. Ruh roh! When the doctor asks, he denies any risky sexual behavior, although he did accidentally having sex with a prostitute, and he’s currently making love to a woman he has genuine feelings for.

At the doctor’s urging, he calls his former partners to inform them, and when Maze gets the call, she’s with Linda. Maze congratulates her bestie for dodging that particular bullet.

But Linda’s clearly uneasy about the whole situation. When she and Amenadiel meet at a restaurant and he says he wants to make their relationship public, she counters that they should stop seeing each other altogether.

Then Amen’s phone chimes with a message from the doctor saying it was a false positive on the chlamydia thing. But it doesn’t change Linda’s position that no matter how much she likes him, she can’t date her friend’s ex. Still, they really do like each other, and even this attempted breakup doesn’t keep them from smooching in public. Unfortunately, Maze is watching from a nearby table and stabs it in anger. Oooh, this unfolding drama ought to be gooooood.

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