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あなた sit beside Justin on the couch, laptop on your lap while あなた scroll through your timeline on Twitter. Not finding anything interesting, あなた switch over to going through your mentions. A smile finds its way to your lips as あなた read through the tweets at the top, all of them flattering compliments. Your smile instantly turns into a frown however when あなた continue to read and find aq lot of rather hateful messages.

“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants あなた here and Justin doesn’t 愛 you”

あなた whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, あなた place it on the coffee 表, テーブル in front of you. あなた stand up from the ソファー, ソファ slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at あなた questioningly when あなた announced that your were going to bed.

“Are あなた okay, babe? あなた know it’s only eight, right?” He asks あなた skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.

“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” あなた answer quickly. Leaning down, あなた press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”

“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a 質問 because によって then あなた have already disappeared up the stairs.

———————-

A couple of weeks later, あなた and Justin are eating ディナー at ホーム with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking 食 at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.

あなた cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but あなた still wait patiently for your turn. あなた only place a small portion of 食 on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.

Throughout dinner, あなた keep quiet and continuously poke your 食 with the fork. あなた don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add あなた into the conversation.

“Are あなた okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.

あなた bite your lip, placing the fork back down 次 to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, あなた give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want あなた to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on あなた later.” Pattie gives あなた a reassuring smile, but あなた know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. あなた nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.

Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when あなた disappear out of sight and they are sure あなた can’t hear.

“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.

“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.

“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”

“Have あなた tried talking to her about it, hon?”

“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry または like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”

Justin looks so scared and ロスト that Pattie’s ハート, 心 aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.

“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave あなた guys alone. Thanks for ディナー though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”

————-

“[Y/N]? Babe?”

あなた hear Justin call out quietly and your ハート, 心 begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. あなた only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.

Vaguely, あなた can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. あなた continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom あなた notice your high heels and suddenly あなた remember the guest あなた had invited for dinner.

That’s when あなた break. あなた break into tears, your crying increasing every 秒 until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, あなた bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, あなた continue to sob uncontrollably and あなた even have to gasp for air from time to time.

“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before あなた can respond または even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.

あなた don’t look at him. あなた don’t want to. あなた just can’t. Justin doesn’t 愛 you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. あなた deserve this. So あなた continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.

“Oh… My god. Babe!”

Justin is によって your side like lightening and pulls あなた into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees によって grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - あなた wouldn’t have cared. あなた wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.

“Fuck…” Justin mutters and あなた can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.

“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” あなた whisper the last word, still trying to catch あなた breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.

“Of course you’re good enough! あなた always have been and あなた always will be. Who in the world told あなた that あなた weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.

“Your fans…”

“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what あなた just told him.

“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” あなた whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.

“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why あなた haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call あなた fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make あなた feel worse. あなた bare nod, but it’s there.

“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. あなた feel his tears on your exposed neck, but あなた don’t care. All あなた want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. あなた were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that あなた don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in 愛 with. Can あなた do that?”

“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” あなた whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.

“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and あなた flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing あなた in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even 削除 your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull あなた away so he can look at you.

“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help あなた through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”

“Promise?” あなた sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”

“And あなた are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. あなた are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and あなた always will be. I don’t want あなた to change. I 愛 あなた for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my お気に入り girl.”

“You are so corny!” あなた giggle quietly as Justin pulls あなた close to him again. あなた feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.

“Yes, but あなた 愛 me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.

“Mm, that’s true.” あなた whisper as あなた doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So あなた lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. あなた smile softly, knowing that Justin would always 愛 you, no matter what.

I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if あなた want me to be. And あなた are beautiful. あなた are so damn beautiful, all of you. I 愛 あなた so much! x
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