"It's too bad," he says, shifting in obvious discomfort. "You would have made a great mother." His voice is low and hesitant and seems intended to be comforting. His eyes flicker, briefly, awkwardly meeting yours.
The color drains from your face and your eyes blaze fire. Your entire body stiffens and for a fraction of a second, あなた turn your face away, unable to even look at him. How dare he mock you!? Especially now, when your usual defenses against him are disabled によって your agony. But of course he knows that, and, as usual, he is using that information to ridicule and wound, just like he always does to あなた and everyone else. あなた grip the doorframe for support and something 苦い rises in your throat.
"You son-of-a-bitch." Your voice is impeccably controlled, deathly calm, and pitched at a throaty whisper, but somehow your words are filled with もっと見る venom and your simple statement has もっと見る of a devastating effect than if you'd shrieked obscenities at him. His eyes widen in what appears to be genuine surprise and his mouth falls open. Momentarily stunned, for a brief 秒 あなた consider that he might actually be sincere, but then あなた banish the notion as quickly as it appeared. He is House; he is never sincere, and besides, you've gone too far to back down now.
"When I was getting a baby, あなた told me I'd suck as a mother," あなた hiss, a distorted, cynical sing-song in your tone and your chin raised in hurt defiance. The features of your face are twisted in your disgusted rage. "Now that I've lost it, あなた tell me I'd be great as a mother!" あなた punctuate every 苦い word with a menacing step in his direction, until あなた are mere few inches from his towering form. "Why do あなた need to negate everything?" あなた practically spit, cutting him like a ナイフ with your harsh demand for truth. Your narrowed eyes rake over him, searing him with the heat of your anger.
He stares straight at you, piercing あなた with the intense blue of his eyes, and あなた draw in a breath. "I don't know," he whispers with a heartbreaking, unguarded, childlike honesty, instantly melting your fury and replacing it with astonished bewilderment. あなた gasp and your eyes widen in shock. His walls are, for some bizarre, unknown reason, momentarily down and he is so vulnerable, so exposed, and so...close.
I could lose my ハート, 心 tonight,
If あなた don't turn and walk away,
'Cause the way I feel, I might,
Lose control and let あなた stay,
He is close. Very close. So close that あなた can see the pulse at his throat and every line and contour of the face that has haunted, tormented, and lingered torturously near, yet just out of your reach, for twenty years. With a start, あなた feel his warm breath ghost softly over your flushed and streaked face, your cheeks still burning from your anger the moment before and the deluge of hot tears that have each left their own searing trail on your striking features. Abnormally susceptible, every nerve in your body heightened によって your grief, あなた shiver involuntarily at the sensation and your own shaky breath catches in your throat as he appears to lean even closer. Confused, あなた peer up at him, crystal droplets glistening on your dark lashes and a 質問 in your red-rimmed eyes. Your gaze is searching. There are strange emotions flickering in the blue flame of his eyes and though you've never been able to read him quite as well as he always has you, in this electric moment, あなた desperately try to solve the mystery behind them.
あなた see regret. Hurt. Uncertainty. And, as his gaze shifts away from your commanding stare, an agonizing pain deeper than あなた could've ever imagined. But then, with what is obviously a tremendous effort of will, he turns and stares unflinchingly back down into your eyes, courageously revealing to あなた emotions あなた thought he couldn't possess. Concern. Tenderness. Affection. Respect. A fierce, passionate desire but one deeper than mere lust, and something else, something somehow もっと見る profound, もっと見る complex than anything you've ever seen in him before. Something that both exhilarates and frightens you, intoxicates and sobers you, empowers and tames you. Something あなた are completely unable to decipher. He inches even closer and a curious tingling feeling sweeps over your skin.
Suddenly あなた feel a stir within the depths of your heart, in the fathoms of your very soul, and in that instant, for once, it is you, Lisa Cuddy, who is having the epiphany.
That mysterious emotion あなた see in his eyes is love.
A state of euphoric, yet disbelieving panic swells and mounts within you. Your hands begin to tremble and your heartbeat far exceeds its normal rate, pounding out a wild, erratic rhythm that あなた are sure must be audible to everyone within a ten-mile radius of your entryway. A strange, yet all-too-familiar sensation ignites in your lower abdomen and a delicious shiver runs down your spine. As his breath mingles with yours あなた suddenly find yourself unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to think beyond the proximity of the man who is so obviously weighing something heavily behind the cerulean depth of his eyes.
Without even realizing it, あなた hold your breath in anticipation, for あなた know that now is not the time to take control; this is his moment to advance, not yours. あなた can only hope he knows that あなた are--and always have been--his for the taking. Only he has ever had the power to both comfort and conquer あなた at the same time and now, when the pain of your loss is so excruciating that あなた can hardly くま, クマ it, あなた need him もっと見る than あなた ever have. あなた silently will him to seize this opportunity, hardly daring to hope, and your eyes widen and your ハート, 心 leaps as あなた see him make his decision.
But somehow, あなた are both expecting and utterly unprepared for what he does next.
'Cause I could take あなた in my arms,
And never let go,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
Suddenly, before あなた even have time to comprehend the significance of what has just transpired, he has pulled あなた into his arms, his lips have descended upon yours, and he is キス あなた with an emotional intensity unlike anything you've never experienced before. To your own astonishment, your first instinct is not to fight または resist, but to close your eyes and welcome him, catching the side of his face with your hand as he effectively captures your mouth and your body in one fluid motion. In stark contrast to the rest of him, his lips are surprisingly soft, but, though gentle, his キッス is desperate, probing and raw, a perfect, intoxicating blend of demanding and tender that arouses a deep ache in your middle and draws a feeble, tremulous whimper of submission from your throat.
Though at first, your mind fails to register what is happening, your body responds to him automatically and あなた return his キッス with enthusiasm, rejoicing at the feel of his fingers buried in your dark curls and the pleasurable, yet slightly painful, sensation of his rough stubble on your tender skin. At the taste of his intoxicating flavor, something within あなた snaps and あなた become instantaneously insatiable, your lips moving frantically over his in your desperate desire for もっと見る of him. Your mouths dance together feverishly, hungrily, in a synchronized, yet spontaneous rhythm that makes your head spin and your body tremble. Emitting the smallest of moans, あなた seize his bottom lip between your own, silently begging him for もっと見る as あなた suck pleadingly upon it. He mercifully obliges, quickening the キッス with a power that sends your mind reeling and simultaneously enveloping your petite form with one powerful arm, drawing あなた up and フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして to meet him with surprising strength and ease. Melting into the contours of his body, あなた shudder as his hand roams over your back, both gently caressing and forcefully meshing your body with his as if to draw あなた into himself. Wrapping your arms around him, あなた grip the leather of his jacket, clinging to his frame as though you'll never let go.
Then, with sudden impetuosity, あなた part your lips and draw breath from him, inviting him to invade, conquer, and possess あなた in every possible way. He accepts, and your ecstasy climaxes as his tongue tenderly, passionately, begins to make 愛 to yours; swirling hungrily over your lips and teeth, exploring every corner of your mouth with a reverent, yet staggeringly passionate tenacity, and tasting あなた as though he'll never get enough.
But in a strange sort of oxymoron, with this deepening of the kiss, it no longer remains solely about the forces of sheer desire and your passion moves beyond the realm of the strictly physical. あなた taste not only whiskey and too-sweet チェリー lollipops, amazingly strong coffee and the 苦い lingerings of Vicodin, but intense pain and dominating fear, naked honesty and overwhelming loneliness. His soul is laid bare before あなた as an offering and unquestionable evidence of the purity of his love. You'd never imagined that he would--could--be like this; not again.
Tears rise unbidden to your eyes and, feeling for the first time in a long time that あなた are truly free, wholly protected, and unconditionally loved, あなた release the deluge of emotions that are held captive within you, some あなた have restrained for as long as あなた can remember; others, fresh wounds that are still bleeding. あなた pour out the hurt of rejection, the pain of your loss, the ache of your guilt, and the burn of your longing, opening the depths of your ハート, 心 to him with a wild abandon that both thrills and scares you, but feels so unbelievably right. All facades are ripped away, all pretenses shattered, and not despite your pain, but because of it, あなた both become beautifully broken in each other's arms.
I can only wonder how,
Touching you,
Would make me feel,
But if I take that chance right now,
Tomorrow, will あなた want me still?
This simple act of naked vulnerability, blind trust, and painfully raw passion is somehow so much もっと見る intimate than anything that has ever transpired between the two of あなた before, even the one perfect night あなた shared together so long ago. Perhaps it becomes too intimate, too personal, and perhaps that is why, just as your キッス begins to escalate into the beginnings of something more, just as あなた finally resign yourself to the fact that あなた might actually want something more, he suddenly pulls away with a jarring abruptness that leaves あなた confused and unfulfilled.
Astonished and perhaps a bit frightened によって the strength of your emotions, for a brief moment, あなた both remain アナと雪の女王 in the same position, the only difference being the recently introduced 宇宙 between your lips, and it is a good thing his arm is supporting you, your body hovering inches above the floor, for it feel like your BONES(ボーンズ)-骨は語る- have turned to liquid. あなた don't dare open your eyes at first; あなた are afraid. Afraid of breaking the spell, afraid it will all be a dream, afraid of what あなた might see reflected in his eyes. または of what あなた might not.
Yet even with your sense of sight disabled, あなた are consumed によって him, によって your desire for him. His very nearness is stimulating to your senses and his scent seems to bewitch you, holding あなた mesmerized によって the caress of its achingly familiar embrace. The sound of heavy breathing seems to fill the room and with your body still molded to his, あなた can feel his heartbeat pound strongly within him, the two rhythms merging into a strange sort of symphony that holds あなた spellbound, in awe of its beauty. あなた can practically taste his breath as it swirls around your face, engulfing あなた and permeating every particle of your being, seeming to tenderly キッス your cheek as it mingles with your own.
Intoxicated によって him, あなた contemplate touching your lips once もっと見る to his, knowing full well that, in doing so, あなた will ファン a flame that, once ignited, neither one of あなた has ever been able to quench. But before あなた make the decision to pass the point of no return, あなた become increasingly aware of the sensation of being gently lowered and just as your bare feet come into contact with the cold floor once again, your eyes fly open and your gaze locks with his.
Tonight it is blue on green, though usually when your eyes meet, it is an explosive fusion of piercing, arresting blue, both equally strong, equally fierce, and sparking with an electricity ignited によって either mischief, anger, または repressed desire. But in your grief, your eyes are no longer the deep blue-grey, subtly flecked with green and gold, that あなた know he is spellbound by. Especially when あなた are absolutely furious with him and they seem to take on an almost flame-like quality. Instead, your eyes have assumed a dull, cloudy green hue, tinged with grey and rimmed in red, a blend of Colors(色) that characterize your excruciating pain and torturous heartache. His eyes, though still a blindingly bright, electric blue; striking cerulean with just a hint of green, are somehow deeper and darker than あなた remember seeing in a long time and あなた detect a raging conflict between two forces battling within them.
あなた see a fierce, passionate desire, both for your body and for you, smoldering behind the blue, mingled with respect and tender affection. Your eyes widen and your breath catches in your throat. あなた are used to childish mockery, taunting arrogance, stubborn determination, または undisguised lust; this blend of distinctly human emotions is foreign to you, yet somehow familiar, and that both comforts and frightens あなた half out of your wits.
Gone is the immature, exasperating little boy that is the bane of your existence and the 情報源 of a significant majority of the stress in your life. In his place is a man あなた have seen only glimpses of since the days before the infarction, before Stacy, before your relationship was supposed to be strictly that of an employer and employee. Back when あなた weren't quite so concerned with your reputation. Back when his sense of humor didn't rely so much upon the ridicule of other people. Back when あなた both smiled a bit もっと見る and fought a bit less. And back when あなた allowed the tall, endearingly arrogant medical genius with the piercing blue eyes to capture your ハート, 心 after only one night.
But あなた also see a paralyzing fear churning wildly within the cerulean depths. Tonight, あなた have both crossed the line, scaled the wall, and broken the chains that have separated あなた from each other for twenty long years. あなた have finally 与えられた in to the passionate desire that has been lying dormant within あなた both for far too long and, in a moment of impetuosity, acted upon it without regard for potential consequences. あなた have pushed aside all the self-imposed boundaries between あなた and dared, for one minute, infinitesimal moment, to be completely honest, blindly trusting, and openly broken. And that intimacy, that vulnerability, scares the hell out of him.
The desires of his ハート, 心 war against the voices in his head. あなた peer anxiously up at him as he fights desperately against his insecurities, his unwillingness to become vulnerable, and his terror of rejection and hurt. Although あなた are powerless to help him, unable to relieve his torment, your gaze locks with his and あなた silently will him to seize the opportunity literally standing before his eyes. As the pressure mounts within, your ハート, 心 begins to pound wildly within あなた and あなた feel his eyes bore into your body, piercing your very soul with the power and intensity of the conflict raging behind them. This is the point of no return, and the electricity of the moment practically sears your skin with its heat. あなた see him fight madly, resisting his captors and their all-too-familiar chains with all he has, and then, at the last possible instant, あなた see him, once again, submit.
"Good night." he whispers, and something dies within you.
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let あなた know?
I could fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 you,
He flees without a backward glance, too distracted to even close the front door, and あなた watch, in a state of petrified shock, as he hurries down your steps and away from what could have been his last chance at happiness. And, quite possibly, yours.
"G-good night." あなた stammer, the words catching in your throat, threatening to unleash the torrent of hot tears that あなた feel rapidly beginning to pool in your eyes. あなた gaze dumbly after him for a few seconds, praying, wishing, silently pleading in hopeful desperation, but he does not turn, and as he limps out of sight, あなた exhale, and with a massive effort of will, tear your eyes from his retreating form.
Slowly, painfully, as though in a dream, あなた shuffle across the hallway and collapse weakly against the wall. Hands pressed against it, あなた fight madly to keep your footing, swallowing furiously in a desperate attempt to choke back the tears, and, surprisingly, あなた succeed for a few torturous seconds. But then, overcome によって your emotional and physical exhaustion, あなた begin to tremble violently, and, unable to resist any longer, あなた crumple to the floor in a heap, letting the tears flow once more.
Deep, heavy sobs rack your body and hot tears cascade down your cheeks in apparently limitless quantities. Burying your face in your hands, あなた curl into a writhing, miserable ball on the floor, the very picture of defeat. Shaking with the power of your body's response to your now twice-broken heart, あなた lie there, hunched against the wall, crying bitterly into your sweater, until あなた have no もっと見る tears left to cry. あなた remain limp and shivering on the cold floor for a few minutes, gasping through the last traces of your tears, until your body finally ceases its violent trembling and あなた feel as if it might be remotely possible that あなた have the strength to 移動する again. Then, weakly, tremulously, with a remarkable display of willpower, あなた raise yourself up from the dusty hardwood and lean your flushed face against the cool plaster.
And I know it's not right,
And I guess I should try,
To do what I should do,
Unbidden, your mind begins to replay every sensation, every smell, and every taste of the grief-soaked kiss. Once again, あなた feel his hands fisted in your hair, his stubble scraping your skin, his lips moving roughly over your mouth, his tongue tenderly caressing yours. Wincing, あなた shut your eyes tightly, squeezing the last remaining droplets from them, and bite the inside of your cheek until あなた taste blood, inflicting physical pain upon yourself in some desperate hope that it will distract あなた from your far もっと見る compelling emotional wounds.
あなた stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the memories, knowing full well the danger of drowning in the beautiful anomaly that is Greg House. あなた know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if あなた dwell upon him long enough, あなた will forget that he is a narcissistic, arrogant drug-addict and instead, あなた will focus on all the wonderful little things あなた 愛 about him. How piercingly blue his eyes are. How he can make あなた laugh at things あなた know あなた shouldn’t. How infuriatingly adorable he is when he knows he's right. How his whole face lights up when he looks at you. And how, if あなた are not careful, he just might make あなた fall in 愛 with him.
But that is the one thing あなた must never do.
Gritting your teeth, あなた tell yourself firmly that the キッス was a mistake, an accident, a...something-that-should-never-have-happened. あなた clench your fists and shake your head violently until your temples begin to throb, as though giving yourself a splitting headache will somehow erase the fact that he's gone. あなた mercilessly command your brain to banish the memories, but in the very act of ordering their destruction, あなた come to realize just how precious they are to you. And how precious he is to you.
But I could fall in love,
Fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
In that moment, finally, after twenty long, torturous years of loneliness and self-denial, あなた cease your fierce resistance and surrender. Immediately, it feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders and the tears begin anew, trailing hard and fast down your face, but あなた do not care. あなた let them fall because your tears are no longer tears of hurt, または of loss, または of pain, but tears of freedom. Slowly, your raise a trembling hand to your mouth and gently, almost reverently, brush your fingertips over your lips, imagining the feel of his on yours. あなた chuckle hoarsely as あなた feel how bruised and swollen they are and a timid, watery smile slowly begins to creep up the corner of your mouth, the first real one since あなた ロスト Joy.
Heaving a deep, quavery sigh, あなた draw your knees up to your chest and lean your head back against the ウォール in helpless, yet willing resignation, acknowledging the futility of denying what just transpired and finally allowing yourself to bask in each painfully beautiful detail. あなた remember the tenderness あなた saw in his eyes. The concern あなた felt in his touch. The 愛 あなた tasted in his kiss. And then, for the 秒 time tonight, あなた are once again struck によって an overwhelming revelation of monumental proportions.
あなた can't fall in 愛 with him.
Because あなた already have.
Slowly, hesitantly, your tentative smile blooms into a broad grin.
コメント are love!!!
The color drains from your face and your eyes blaze fire. Your entire body stiffens and for a fraction of a second, あなた turn your face away, unable to even look at him. How dare he mock you!? Especially now, when your usual defenses against him are disabled によって your agony. But of course he knows that, and, as usual, he is using that information to ridicule and wound, just like he always does to あなた and everyone else. あなた grip the doorframe for support and something 苦い rises in your throat.
"You son-of-a-bitch." Your voice is impeccably controlled, deathly calm, and pitched at a throaty whisper, but somehow your words are filled with もっと見る venom and your simple statement has もっと見る of a devastating effect than if you'd shrieked obscenities at him. His eyes widen in what appears to be genuine surprise and his mouth falls open. Momentarily stunned, for a brief 秒 あなた consider that he might actually be sincere, but then あなた banish the notion as quickly as it appeared. He is House; he is never sincere, and besides, you've gone too far to back down now.
"When I was getting a baby, あなた told me I'd suck as a mother," あなた hiss, a distorted, cynical sing-song in your tone and your chin raised in hurt defiance. The features of your face are twisted in your disgusted rage. "Now that I've lost it, あなた tell me I'd be great as a mother!" あなた punctuate every 苦い word with a menacing step in his direction, until あなた are mere few inches from his towering form. "Why do あなた need to negate everything?" あなた practically spit, cutting him like a ナイフ with your harsh demand for truth. Your narrowed eyes rake over him, searing him with the heat of your anger.
He stares straight at you, piercing あなた with the intense blue of his eyes, and あなた draw in a breath. "I don't know," he whispers with a heartbreaking, unguarded, childlike honesty, instantly melting your fury and replacing it with astonished bewilderment. あなた gasp and your eyes widen in shock. His walls are, for some bizarre, unknown reason, momentarily down and he is so vulnerable, so exposed, and so...close.
I could lose my ハート, 心 tonight,
If あなた don't turn and walk away,
'Cause the way I feel, I might,
Lose control and let あなた stay,
He is close. Very close. So close that あなた can see the pulse at his throat and every line and contour of the face that has haunted, tormented, and lingered torturously near, yet just out of your reach, for twenty years. With a start, あなた feel his warm breath ghost softly over your flushed and streaked face, your cheeks still burning from your anger the moment before and the deluge of hot tears that have each left their own searing trail on your striking features. Abnormally susceptible, every nerve in your body heightened によって your grief, あなた shiver involuntarily at the sensation and your own shaky breath catches in your throat as he appears to lean even closer. Confused, あなた peer up at him, crystal droplets glistening on your dark lashes and a 質問 in your red-rimmed eyes. Your gaze is searching. There are strange emotions flickering in the blue flame of his eyes and though you've never been able to read him quite as well as he always has you, in this electric moment, あなた desperately try to solve the mystery behind them.
あなた see regret. Hurt. Uncertainty. And, as his gaze shifts away from your commanding stare, an agonizing pain deeper than あなた could've ever imagined. But then, with what is obviously a tremendous effort of will, he turns and stares unflinchingly back down into your eyes, courageously revealing to あなた emotions あなた thought he couldn't possess. Concern. Tenderness. Affection. Respect. A fierce, passionate desire but one deeper than mere lust, and something else, something somehow もっと見る profound, もっと見る complex than anything you've ever seen in him before. Something that both exhilarates and frightens you, intoxicates and sobers you, empowers and tames you. Something あなた are completely unable to decipher. He inches even closer and a curious tingling feeling sweeps over your skin.
Suddenly あなた feel a stir within the depths of your heart, in the fathoms of your very soul, and in that instant, for once, it is you, Lisa Cuddy, who is having the epiphany.
That mysterious emotion あなた see in his eyes is love.
A state of euphoric, yet disbelieving panic swells and mounts within you. Your hands begin to tremble and your heartbeat far exceeds its normal rate, pounding out a wild, erratic rhythm that あなた are sure must be audible to everyone within a ten-mile radius of your entryway. A strange, yet all-too-familiar sensation ignites in your lower abdomen and a delicious shiver runs down your spine. As his breath mingles with yours あなた suddenly find yourself unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to think beyond the proximity of the man who is so obviously weighing something heavily behind the cerulean depth of his eyes.
Without even realizing it, あなた hold your breath in anticipation, for あなた know that now is not the time to take control; this is his moment to advance, not yours. あなた can only hope he knows that あなた are--and always have been--his for the taking. Only he has ever had the power to both comfort and conquer あなた at the same time and now, when the pain of your loss is so excruciating that あなた can hardly くま, クマ it, あなた need him もっと見る than あなた ever have. あなた silently will him to seize this opportunity, hardly daring to hope, and your eyes widen and your ハート, 心 leaps as あなた see him make his decision.
But somehow, あなた are both expecting and utterly unprepared for what he does next.
'Cause I could take あなた in my arms,
And never let go,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
Suddenly, before あなた even have time to comprehend the significance of what has just transpired, he has pulled あなた into his arms, his lips have descended upon yours, and he is キス あなた with an emotional intensity unlike anything you've never experienced before. To your own astonishment, your first instinct is not to fight または resist, but to close your eyes and welcome him, catching the side of his face with your hand as he effectively captures your mouth and your body in one fluid motion. In stark contrast to the rest of him, his lips are surprisingly soft, but, though gentle, his キッス is desperate, probing and raw, a perfect, intoxicating blend of demanding and tender that arouses a deep ache in your middle and draws a feeble, tremulous whimper of submission from your throat.
Though at first, your mind fails to register what is happening, your body responds to him automatically and あなた return his キッス with enthusiasm, rejoicing at the feel of his fingers buried in your dark curls and the pleasurable, yet slightly painful, sensation of his rough stubble on your tender skin. At the taste of his intoxicating flavor, something within あなた snaps and あなた become instantaneously insatiable, your lips moving frantically over his in your desperate desire for もっと見る of him. Your mouths dance together feverishly, hungrily, in a synchronized, yet spontaneous rhythm that makes your head spin and your body tremble. Emitting the smallest of moans, あなた seize his bottom lip between your own, silently begging him for もっと見る as あなた suck pleadingly upon it. He mercifully obliges, quickening the キッス with a power that sends your mind reeling and simultaneously enveloping your petite form with one powerful arm, drawing あなた up and フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして to meet him with surprising strength and ease. Melting into the contours of his body, あなた shudder as his hand roams over your back, both gently caressing and forcefully meshing your body with his as if to draw あなた into himself. Wrapping your arms around him, あなた grip the leather of his jacket, clinging to his frame as though you'll never let go.
Then, with sudden impetuosity, あなた part your lips and draw breath from him, inviting him to invade, conquer, and possess あなた in every possible way. He accepts, and your ecstasy climaxes as his tongue tenderly, passionately, begins to make 愛 to yours; swirling hungrily over your lips and teeth, exploring every corner of your mouth with a reverent, yet staggeringly passionate tenacity, and tasting あなた as though he'll never get enough.
But in a strange sort of oxymoron, with this deepening of the kiss, it no longer remains solely about the forces of sheer desire and your passion moves beyond the realm of the strictly physical. あなた taste not only whiskey and too-sweet チェリー lollipops, amazingly strong coffee and the 苦い lingerings of Vicodin, but intense pain and dominating fear, naked honesty and overwhelming loneliness. His soul is laid bare before あなた as an offering and unquestionable evidence of the purity of his love. You'd never imagined that he would--could--be like this; not again.
Tears rise unbidden to your eyes and, feeling for the first time in a long time that あなた are truly free, wholly protected, and unconditionally loved, あなた release the deluge of emotions that are held captive within you, some あなた have restrained for as long as あなた can remember; others, fresh wounds that are still bleeding. あなた pour out the hurt of rejection, the pain of your loss, the ache of your guilt, and the burn of your longing, opening the depths of your ハート, 心 to him with a wild abandon that both thrills and scares you, but feels so unbelievably right. All facades are ripped away, all pretenses shattered, and not despite your pain, but because of it, あなた both become beautifully broken in each other's arms.
I can only wonder how,
Touching you,
Would make me feel,
But if I take that chance right now,
Tomorrow, will あなた want me still?
This simple act of naked vulnerability, blind trust, and painfully raw passion is somehow so much もっと見る intimate than anything that has ever transpired between the two of あなた before, even the one perfect night あなた shared together so long ago. Perhaps it becomes too intimate, too personal, and perhaps that is why, just as your キッス begins to escalate into the beginnings of something more, just as あなた finally resign yourself to the fact that あなた might actually want something more, he suddenly pulls away with a jarring abruptness that leaves あなた confused and unfulfilled.
Astonished and perhaps a bit frightened によって the strength of your emotions, for a brief moment, あなた both remain アナと雪の女王 in the same position, the only difference being the recently introduced 宇宙 between your lips, and it is a good thing his arm is supporting you, your body hovering inches above the floor, for it feel like your BONES(ボーンズ)-骨は語る- have turned to liquid. あなた don't dare open your eyes at first; あなた are afraid. Afraid of breaking the spell, afraid it will all be a dream, afraid of what あなた might see reflected in his eyes. または of what あなた might not.
Yet even with your sense of sight disabled, あなた are consumed によって him, によって your desire for him. His very nearness is stimulating to your senses and his scent seems to bewitch you, holding あなた mesmerized によって the caress of its achingly familiar embrace. The sound of heavy breathing seems to fill the room and with your body still molded to his, あなた can feel his heartbeat pound strongly within him, the two rhythms merging into a strange sort of symphony that holds あなた spellbound, in awe of its beauty. あなた can practically taste his breath as it swirls around your face, engulfing あなた and permeating every particle of your being, seeming to tenderly キッス your cheek as it mingles with your own.
Intoxicated によって him, あなた contemplate touching your lips once もっと見る to his, knowing full well that, in doing so, あなた will ファン a flame that, once ignited, neither one of あなた has ever been able to quench. But before あなた make the decision to pass the point of no return, あなた become increasingly aware of the sensation of being gently lowered and just as your bare feet come into contact with the cold floor once again, your eyes fly open and your gaze locks with his.
Tonight it is blue on green, though usually when your eyes meet, it is an explosive fusion of piercing, arresting blue, both equally strong, equally fierce, and sparking with an electricity ignited によって either mischief, anger, または repressed desire. But in your grief, your eyes are no longer the deep blue-grey, subtly flecked with green and gold, that あなた know he is spellbound by. Especially when あなた are absolutely furious with him and they seem to take on an almost flame-like quality. Instead, your eyes have assumed a dull, cloudy green hue, tinged with grey and rimmed in red, a blend of Colors(色) that characterize your excruciating pain and torturous heartache. His eyes, though still a blindingly bright, electric blue; striking cerulean with just a hint of green, are somehow deeper and darker than あなた remember seeing in a long time and あなた detect a raging conflict between two forces battling within them.
あなた see a fierce, passionate desire, both for your body and for you, smoldering behind the blue, mingled with respect and tender affection. Your eyes widen and your breath catches in your throat. あなた are used to childish mockery, taunting arrogance, stubborn determination, または undisguised lust; this blend of distinctly human emotions is foreign to you, yet somehow familiar, and that both comforts and frightens あなた half out of your wits.
Gone is the immature, exasperating little boy that is the bane of your existence and the 情報源 of a significant majority of the stress in your life. In his place is a man あなた have seen only glimpses of since the days before the infarction, before Stacy, before your relationship was supposed to be strictly that of an employer and employee. Back when あなた weren't quite so concerned with your reputation. Back when his sense of humor didn't rely so much upon the ridicule of other people. Back when あなた both smiled a bit もっと見る and fought a bit less. And back when あなた allowed the tall, endearingly arrogant medical genius with the piercing blue eyes to capture your ハート, 心 after only one night.
But あなた also see a paralyzing fear churning wildly within the cerulean depths. Tonight, あなた have both crossed the line, scaled the wall, and broken the chains that have separated あなた from each other for twenty long years. あなた have finally 与えられた in to the passionate desire that has been lying dormant within あなた both for far too long and, in a moment of impetuosity, acted upon it without regard for potential consequences. あなた have pushed aside all the self-imposed boundaries between あなた and dared, for one minute, infinitesimal moment, to be completely honest, blindly trusting, and openly broken. And that intimacy, that vulnerability, scares the hell out of him.
The desires of his ハート, 心 war against the voices in his head. あなた peer anxiously up at him as he fights desperately against his insecurities, his unwillingness to become vulnerable, and his terror of rejection and hurt. Although あなた are powerless to help him, unable to relieve his torment, your gaze locks with his and あなた silently will him to seize the opportunity literally standing before his eyes. As the pressure mounts within, your ハート, 心 begins to pound wildly within あなた and あなた feel his eyes bore into your body, piercing your very soul with the power and intensity of the conflict raging behind them. This is the point of no return, and the electricity of the moment practically sears your skin with its heat. あなた see him fight madly, resisting his captors and their all-too-familiar chains with all he has, and then, at the last possible instant, あなた see him, once again, submit.
"Good night." he whispers, and something dies within you.
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let あなた know?
I could fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 you,
He flees without a backward glance, too distracted to even close the front door, and あなた watch, in a state of petrified shock, as he hurries down your steps and away from what could have been his last chance at happiness. And, quite possibly, yours.
"G-good night." あなた stammer, the words catching in your throat, threatening to unleash the torrent of hot tears that あなた feel rapidly beginning to pool in your eyes. あなた gaze dumbly after him for a few seconds, praying, wishing, silently pleading in hopeful desperation, but he does not turn, and as he limps out of sight, あなた exhale, and with a massive effort of will, tear your eyes from his retreating form.
Slowly, painfully, as though in a dream, あなた shuffle across the hallway and collapse weakly against the wall. Hands pressed against it, あなた fight madly to keep your footing, swallowing furiously in a desperate attempt to choke back the tears, and, surprisingly, あなた succeed for a few torturous seconds. But then, overcome によって your emotional and physical exhaustion, あなた begin to tremble violently, and, unable to resist any longer, あなた crumple to the floor in a heap, letting the tears flow once more.
Deep, heavy sobs rack your body and hot tears cascade down your cheeks in apparently limitless quantities. Burying your face in your hands, あなた curl into a writhing, miserable ball on the floor, the very picture of defeat. Shaking with the power of your body's response to your now twice-broken heart, あなた lie there, hunched against the wall, crying bitterly into your sweater, until あなた have no もっと見る tears left to cry. あなた remain limp and shivering on the cold floor for a few minutes, gasping through the last traces of your tears, until your body finally ceases its violent trembling and あなた feel as if it might be remotely possible that あなた have the strength to 移動する again. Then, weakly, tremulously, with a remarkable display of willpower, あなた raise yourself up from the dusty hardwood and lean your flushed face against the cool plaster.
And I know it's not right,
And I guess I should try,
To do what I should do,
Unbidden, your mind begins to replay every sensation, every smell, and every taste of the grief-soaked kiss. Once again, あなた feel his hands fisted in your hair, his stubble scraping your skin, his lips moving roughly over your mouth, his tongue tenderly caressing yours. Wincing, あなた shut your eyes tightly, squeezing the last remaining droplets from them, and bite the inside of your cheek until あなた taste blood, inflicting physical pain upon yourself in some desperate hope that it will distract あなた from your far もっと見る compelling emotional wounds.
あなた stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the memories, knowing full well the danger of drowning in the beautiful anomaly that is Greg House. あなた know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if あなた dwell upon him long enough, あなた will forget that he is a narcissistic, arrogant drug-addict and instead, あなた will focus on all the wonderful little things あなた 愛 about him. How piercingly blue his eyes are. How he can make あなた laugh at things あなた know あなた shouldn’t. How infuriatingly adorable he is when he knows he's right. How his whole face lights up when he looks at you. And how, if あなた are not careful, he just might make あなた fall in 愛 with him.
But that is the one thing あなた must never do.
Gritting your teeth, あなた tell yourself firmly that the キッス was a mistake, an accident, a...something-that-should-never-have-happened. あなた clench your fists and shake your head violently until your temples begin to throb, as though giving yourself a splitting headache will somehow erase the fact that he's gone. あなた mercilessly command your brain to banish the memories, but in the very act of ordering their destruction, あなた come to realize just how precious they are to you. And how precious he is to you.
But I could fall in love,
Fall in 愛 with you,
I could fall in 愛 with you,
In that moment, finally, after twenty long, torturous years of loneliness and self-denial, あなた cease your fierce resistance and surrender. Immediately, it feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders and the tears begin anew, trailing hard and fast down your face, but あなた do not care. あなた let them fall because your tears are no longer tears of hurt, または of loss, または of pain, but tears of freedom. Slowly, your raise a trembling hand to your mouth and gently, almost reverently, brush your fingertips over your lips, imagining the feel of his on yours. あなた chuckle hoarsely as あなた feel how bruised and swollen they are and a timid, watery smile slowly begins to creep up the corner of your mouth, the first real one since あなた ロスト Joy.
Heaving a deep, quavery sigh, あなた draw your knees up to your chest and lean your head back against the ウォール in helpless, yet willing resignation, acknowledging the futility of denying what just transpired and finally allowing yourself to bask in each painfully beautiful detail. あなた remember the tenderness あなた saw in his eyes. The concern あなた felt in his touch. The 愛 あなた tasted in his kiss. And then, for the 秒 time tonight, あなた are once again struck によって an overwhelming revelation of monumental proportions.
あなた can't fall in 愛 with him.
Because あなた already have.
Slowly, hesitantly, your tentative smile blooms into a broad grin.
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