あなた had declared your 愛 in a drunken stupor the night before. As my feet hit the floor and I started toward the bathroom a hand reached out from under the ベッド and grabbed my ankle.
"What the ...." Out slid a sexy figure from under the bed. "You waited under the ベッド so あなた could scare me?" I am in 愛 with a 10 年 old.
"Gee I hope not", came that sexy voice.
As I kneeled down on the floor where あなた laid I began kisssing your beautiful face and those sexy lips that I 愛 so dearly. Your body feels so good and I wanted あなた but I pulled away and excused myself to the bathroom and what I found was blood in my urine and as I came out of the bathroom and announced;
"House there is blood in my urine" I didn't realize it would be the last time my body would be touching yours.
Through all the tests and the waiting I thought あなた would come. I thought あなた wouldn't be able to stay away. I was so scared and so alone. I needed あなた to hold me and to tell me it would be ok. I had never felt so "alone."
When I opened my eyes and あなた were there in the hospital door I thought あなた had finally made a decision to let me in and no matter what the costs または the pain あなた would be there. Just あなた being there made me feel safer. Knowing your head was in the game I knew if there was an answer あなた would find it.
But あなた weren't there. Years of abusing these pills and alcohol and two years of being clean and now being with me has drove あなた back to all these crutches. I thought being with me would make あなた better but it's making あなた worse.
Driving to your apartment I was hoping あなた would have something to say that would take away the doubts and fears I had and maybe that あなた could tell me I was wrong and that I wasn't a problem. I had wanted あなた from the first time I met you. I loved あなた and I wanted あなた もっと見る than I had ever wanted anything. あなた are challenging, intelligent, witty, exasperating, super sexy, but あなた still would not let me inside. There is something inside あなた that will only deal with me on a logical plain. YOu are afraid to let yourself completely 愛 me and I am scared あなた will kill yourself trying to let me in. あなた can't allow yourself to be vulnerable without something to numb the pain.
The struggle in my mind on the way to your apartment was pure torture. I told あなた I didn't want あなた to change.
あなた were confident and knew what あなた wanted. I didn't want あなた to change. あなた had not left me alone for もっと見る than 15 分 before we entered this relationship and now everytime there was a crisis あなた were avoiding me, lying to me, relying on alcohol, pills, everything but me. あなた use to argue your point and stand up to me when あなた thought あなた were right, which was always. あなた just continue to shut me out and only giving me the part of yourself that is physical. あなた refuse to share that 宇宙 where your ハート, 心 is.
"You make me better and hopefully I make あなた better."
'But do I?"
I make あなた a worse doctor, I make あなた feel like あなた have to turn to alcohol または pills instead of me. I cannot be the reason あなた go backwards House. I can't help あなた because I am your problem.
あなた are the most incerdible man I have ever known and I mean that. I want to be your best friend and your partner.
I do not have any interest in being your mother または watching あなた self destruct. あなた have to come to terms with those broken pieces inside yourself and decide to repair them または they will kill you. I will not be your enabler.
"How am I ever going to say goodbye to you", when all I want to do is stay? How will I ever get through the night without your arms encircling me, without your body against mine? "Oh House", why couldn't あなた let me in?
As I knock on the door and あなた answer I know this is going to hurt worse than anything I have ever done. There is that man that is tall, sexy, and has the most beautiful blue eyes standing in front of me but he is still just a hurt little boy on the inside. A hurt little boy that I can not fix because he will not let me inside.
"You took vicodin."
"As I 発言しました that sentence I was thinking that
あなた ran from me when I needed you." あなた left me alone. I would never leave あなた alone. I never did. No matter how crazy あなた got または what mess あなた created I never left あなた alone. I have become the chink in your armour. I am weaa kness and not a strength.
As あなた told me あなた were afraid I was going to die I knew that could have been possible but why didn't あなた want to be with me every 分 あなた could. why couldn't あなた just come to me and tell me that あなた were scared? Every 秒 that we had left if something was wrong あなた should have wanted to be with me.
When あなた pleaded with me not to go I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to hold あなた and never let あなた go but I can't do this anymore House. as I touched your beautiful face my ハート, 心 shattered into so many pieces. I can't go through these childish behaviors anymore. I 愛 あなた and I will always 愛 あなた but this is up to you. I can't fix あなた and あなた refuse to fix yourself.
"Goodbye House."
