CSI:ニューヨーク Things that would never happen in CSI:科学捜査班 : New York

House34 posted on Aug 07, 2008 at 10:34AM
This topic is for fun. Just make up funny scenarios that would never happen on set.


It's 4 a.m. and Lindsay drunkly staggers into a deserted lab, sits down at a desk, lays her head down on the computer keybord and goes to sleep. Mac shows up around 6 a.m. or whatever time a good CSI boss would appear and notices Lindsay at her desk.
Mac : Have you been here all night ?
Linds: Yeah, well, you know, I really want to crack this case.
Mac : You're keen - I like that !
Linds *stands up and looks at Mac straight in the eyes* : I'm just doing my job, Mac

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1年以上前 House34 said…
Danny: Uhm..Mac..Have you ever put a jelly in a glass of water and left it over night ?
Mac : Sure, the jelly absorbs all the water and swells up, why ?
Danny: I... might've pushed Lindsay in a bucket with water and left her over night..
Mac : Oh my God !..
1年以上前 House34 said…
Picture Mac prancing around in front of a mirror, flexing his muscles and yelling (to no one in particular)
Mac: You' ready for the BIG-MAC, bee-yatch ?! Yeah baby! You' ready for the BIG-MAC ?!? Yeah !!..
1年以上前 House34 said…
when season 1 started

Stella: Mac, what did you write here?
Mac: What?..uhm ..well..what's that ?
Stella: It's your writing ! It's the notebook you got out from your pocket when we were investigating the crime scene.I'm kinda' having problems with some details, so this notebook may be useful..
Mac:How did you get my notebook ?
Stella: It doesn't matter, come on, focus ! This is really important !
Mac: To be honest..I can't understand my writing either..
Danny *shows up*: Hey, Stella, you got a minute ?
Stella: Sure..here Mac *gives him the notebook* I'll be back later..Please give me a hand with this..
Mac *after Danny and Stella left*: I really have to learn their names tonight ! So..Stella is the girl I just talked to..that kid was..uhm..oh there it is..Danny..
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 House34 said…
..at a complicated crime scene:

Mac: Damn this is gonna take forever..we're gonna be in the lab all day..uhm..*looks in the crowd around the crime scene* I think...That guy *points at some pore random shmuck* did it !!
Danny: I agree. Get him, Flack !
Flack *In disbelief*: Is this legal ?
Mac: Sure, trust us, we're CSIs
Flack: O..K..
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
hahahaa these are so funny..
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
here's one that would never happen:

After 20 minutes of searchin' for evidence at a crime scene:
Mac : Nope! Not a thing!
Stella: Me neither..
Mac :Wanna grab a hot dog?
Stella: Sure !
1年以上前 House34 said…
=)) good one
1年以上前 House34 said…
Mac: Hey Stella, come here for a minute, I need to talk to you.
Stella : Mac, I'm in the middle of a really big case right now.
Mac : Please, Stella..I really need to tell you this !
Stella : Mac..are you ok ? What happened ? What is it ?
Mac : Close the door..Uhm..Stella, I am your suspect. I am the suspect in your case but..don't tell anyone, just go find some punk on the street, get him to touch something and call it him !..
Stella: Mac, you can't be the suspect ! The DNA found was a female's
Mac *unzips his face, his fake suit, revealing a woman's face and dress* : I'm...a woman...
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
=))
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
Imagine Mac, Don and Danny walking drunk. Don has a flowered lampshape on his head and they all go like: "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine..."
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
here's another one :

*Mac is sitting in his office reading a file, when Danny runs up to his office door shouting about the evidence he just found in the case*
Danny: Mac, Mac I just found out that...(Bang !)
*Danny runs straight into the see-through glass door. He falls on the floor. Mac looks up and just smiles evily*
*Don walks past Danny*
Don: What happened to Da..(Bang !)
Mac: And that's why I keep my office doors so wonderfully clean!!...
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 House34 said…
hahahaa
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
lol! these are all hilarious! XD

*Mac comes into work drunk*
Stella: Mac are you drunk?
Mac: You're soooo pretty
Stella: OK...what do you want?
Mac: *hiccup*
*Danny walks in*
Danny: Woooah!! I did not need to see that!
*walks back out*
Stella: Mac! Get off me! Mac? Are you still alive?
1年以上前 House34 said…
awesome ! =))
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 House34 said…
One day at the NY crime lab there is a simultaneous scream of ' NOOO !'.
Mac: What's wrong with everyone ? My DNA test came back negative!..
Stella: The GCMS is broken and I can't finish my work !
Don: A suspect got away !..
Danny: The vending machine's out of chocolate!
*everyone stares at Danny*
Danny: What ?!? A man needs his chocolate!
last edited 1年以上前
 One 日 at the NY crime lab there is a simultaneous scream of ' NOOO !'. Mac: What's wrong with ever
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
I can't stop laughing!..I love the Mac part with *hiccup*
XD
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
Stella: Mac? Why is your hair pink ?
Mac: I had a bit too much 2 drink last night..Anyway, you think I'm bad ? Wait till you see Lindsay !
*Lindsay walks in with no hair at all*
Lindsay*in reaction to Stella's look of disgust*: Well I thought it was a good idea at the time !...

(not as good as yours but..)
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
hahahaha! XD

*Mac and Stella are in his office*
Stella: You did WHAT!?
Mac: I'm resigning!
*Danny, Lindsay and Hawkes here and walk into his office and scream*
Lindsay: Why?
Danny and Hawkes: Yeahh, um, why?
*Mac looks at Danny and Hawkes*
Mac: You two should know, you guys resigned too remember?
*Lindsay looks at them*
Lindsay: OK, what's going on here?
Mac: I'm going to be a stripper. The old marines uniform still fits you know?
Stella: You're kidding me?
Mac: No, really, it does still fit!
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
:))..pore Mac..he's had enough of crimes..

*Mac enters the autopsy lab, looking for Sid to talk to him about the newest victim. Hears some strange voices, so he walks slowly towards the autopsy table*
*he sees Sid from behind, holding the victim and talking to it*
Mac: Sid, are you OK ?
Sid: And now, Mr. Ricky will show us how to dance merengue! *starts dancing with the victim*
Mac *louder*: Sid !!
Sid *hears him and turns around scared*: Oh, Mac..I was just..uhm..gettig to know the vic better..besides, he's a good merengue partner..
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 House34 said…
hahaha !!
1年以上前 77actors said…
ahahahahaa great ones !!
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
hahaha! XD
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
thank you, thank you ! :P
1年以上前 Olivine said…
omg i laughed my ass off XDDD you guys are awesome xD that made my day
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 Olivine said…
I will try one too...

at a crime scene...

Stella: Uhh...gross...
-the dead body was cut open and the intestines can be seen-
Mac: Don't touch anything. *takes photos* *turns around for a moment*
Stella: *touches intestines*
Mac: *turns around* Stella!! ><
Stella: Sorry. Oo
Mac: *turns around again to talk to a suspect*
Stella: *starts taking the gut out*
Sid:*comes and sees Stella* Nooo, this is my job! Go awayyyy!
Stella: Oh come on...I saw him first.
Sid: He is mine! Mac!! Tell her to keep her hands off this dead body!
Mac: *sighs*
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
LOL!! That was hilarious! XDDD

Oohhh I had one but I've forgotten it....*thinks*...OH!

Some random CSIs are getting married and Mac has to make a speech....
*Mac raises his glass, already a bit tipsy, slurring*
Mac: And I think everyone should raise their glasses to the happy couple, who I think are perfect for each other...*some lady is about to interrupt*...no, no....mother of the bride...or whatever....let me finish, you can make your speech later! ANYWAAAAAY, so, um, I forgot what I was going to say now thanks to that *points at lady* bitch! So, uhh, here's to the happy couple! *raises glass* WHATEVER!! *marches off triumphantly*
Random lady: Um what I was going to say was...the wedding's next door...
Mac: Then what's this party!?!
Random lady: It's my husband's funeral...*points at coffin*
*Mac looks over at the coffin*
Mac: Oh yeahh!! He was my last case! It was a hard case and I cracked it!
*shouts at the top of his voice and starts congratulating himself*
1年以上前 Olivine said…
waaahahaaa XDDD just awesome
hehe i really need more of these
1年以上前 scheriinh said…
omg!this just cracks me up!thank u guys!
1年以上前 House34 said…
OMG, awsome both !! Txh Olivine and Chandlerfan !! I can't stop laughing !!!hahahaaaa
1年以上前 House34 said…
Mac walks down the hallway and sees Danny and Stella outsite a lab and staring at something through the glass walls.
Mac: Hey ! What happened ? Go back to work !
Stella: Shhhh! Mac, come here !
Danny: I have to go get my camera..I just have to..Stell, I'll be back in 5 !
Mac *sees Danny running away and gets closer*: Is that..Don ? *tries to knock in the glass wall but Stella stops him*
Stella: No ! Don't !..Yes ..that's Flack !..
Mac: In a lab coat ?
Stella: Yeah..and he's been there for almost 20 minutes..
Mac: Doing what?
Stella: Who knows..he's been looking at something for a loong time..even at the microscope, then he smelled it, tasted it..I don't know..
*Danny comes and takes a shot*
Mac: Stop, Danny ! *enters the lab*
Don: Oh..Mac..*hides the sample* Hi..
Mac: What..are you doing here ?
Don: Uhm..well..you know..I...have a day off and I wanted to see how it's like to..work here..
Mac: What ?!
Adam *comes in and looking down so doesn't see Mac*: So what is it ?
Mac: What is what ?
Adam *surprised* : Nothing, boss..the..nothing..
Don : Come on, Adam, what was it ? ..You got me, ok ? Here's 30 $..So ?
Adam: it was..human blood
last edited 1年以上前
 Mac walks down the hallway and sees Danny and Stella outsite a lab and staring at something through t
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
LOL!! lmao that's hilarious! XDD
1年以上前 Olivine said…
loool XDDD just awesome..i love this thread
1年以上前 Olivine said…
Danny: *runs into Mac's office* Mac! Mac! Stella was hurt by a suspect!
Mac: *looks up from his files* I already waited for that. She hasn't been hurt in ages.
Danny: She had been hurt only 4 days ago!
Mac: Like I said..ages..
Flack: *runs into the room too* Mac! Mac! Lindsay got hurt by a suspect!
Mac: *jumps up* Now that is interesting. Follow Don's example, Danny.
*runs out of the room*
Flack: *looks at Danny* What were you doing here?
Danny: Stella got hurt.
Flack: Ah, again. Coffee?
Danny: Uh...okay...
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
hahahaha!! I loooove it! XDD


Mac: WOW! That is pretty hot!
*Stella looks at Mac like he's mental*
Mac: What? It is...
Stella: Yeahh sure I guess...but she is dead Mac.
Mac: But still...DAMN!!
Stella: Mac you're freaking me out...
Mac: Stell, do you mind if I kill you so I can see whether you're still hot when you're dead?
*Mac asks eagerly*
Stella: WHAT!?! No! Why would you....wait, you think I'm hot?
Mac: Sure thing...babe.
*Mac winks*
*Stella giggles like a schoolgirl*
Mac: Dinner. Tonight. 8pm. I'll pick you up.
*Stella nods*
*Mac walks away after another wink*
*Stella continues giggling*
1年以上前 House34 said…
I loooove Olivine's !! I love both :)))
1年以上前 Olivine said…
Mac: *gets a phone call in the middle of the night*
*calls Stella and Lindsay*
We have a case.

~~ a while later ~~

Stella: I'm here.
Lindsay: Me too. *rubs sleep out of her eyes*
Mac: I couldn't reach Don.
Lindsay: What about Danny?
Mac: He said something like: Mm...Mac...you know how late it is...call me tomorrow..goodnight..
Stella: Wow
Lindsay: I have the key to his apartment. Let's go and wake him up.

~~~ 20 minutes later~~~

Lindsay: *wakes Danny up with cold water*
Danny: AAHHH..whoaa...you crazy? *sees Mac's angry look * *shuts up*
Mac: Okay Danny, let's go.
Danny: Why do people always get killed in the middle of the night.... -__-
Lindsay: Hee..what was that...
Danny: What was what?
Lindsay: Your blanket...is there something under your blanket?? It moved.
Mac & Stella: *take a closer look*
Lindsay: Is there someone hiding??? A girlfriend?
*takes blanket away* OMG
Mac&Stella: O___________o omg
Danny: great....
Don: Hey..guys...
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
ahahahahaha!! omg that was hilarious! XDDDDDD
1年以上前 House34 said…
ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
It's Valentine's day...
Mac: Stella, a word, my office, now
*Stella walks into Mac's office*
Stella: What is it?
Mac: You know, um, considering it's Valentine's day I thought I'd tell you, um, how I uhh feel about you and...um...for starters you're very pretty Stella Bonasera...and intelligent...and a lot of other things which probably don't even matter right now and I just wanted to say that I....I....I....
*Stella excitedly waits for him to say 'I love you'*
Mac: I....I....I can't do this guys!! It's Stella! She's like one of the guys!
*Danny, Lindsay, Hawkes and Flack come out from behind the desk as they all along with Mac burst into hysterics*
Mac: Happy V day Stell!
Stella: O_______________O *mutters* Bastards!
1年以上前 Olivine said…
Ohh bastards! O_o
XDDDD hilarious one, i love it!
1年以上前 Olivine said…
(csi miami crossover)

Mac: Okay. Remember what we talked about before?
Danny, Stella and Lindsay: *nod*
Mac: No laughing, no staring. Then let's go.

20 minutes later...

Mac: Welcome in New york again, Horatio.
Horatio: *nods* Mac. *takes his sunglasses off*
Stella: *chuckles*
Danny: *covers his mouth with his hand*
Lindsay: *looks away conspicuously*
Horatio: 2 murdered people in Miami, 3 murdered here...i think we have a serial killer. *puts sunglasses back on*
Lindsay * bites her lip, trying not to laugh out loud*
Danny & Stella: *chuckle more*
Horatio: Is everything okay with your team?
Mac: *solemn face* Yes.
Horatio: Good..the murderer thinks he is smart...but we will get him. *takes sunglasses off again*
Stella, Danny & Lindsay: *break out in laughter*
Mac: I'm sorry for that, Horatio, but... *takes Horatio's sunglasses and breaks them* Now they will be able to concentrate.
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
nice :))
1年以上前 HouseQL said…
Chandlerfan, outstanding ideas !!
1年以上前 House34 said…
OMG !!! hahahaaa :)))
1年以上前 Olivine said…
Mac: *stares at a dead body* Where have I seen this man before....hmm..mm..I have the feeling I know him... his face..I must have met him before...

Lindsay: *runs into the room* Oh my god, Danny!!!!

Mac: Danny...that name sounds familiar...
1年以上前 EnjoyHuddy said…
lol I'll try one , it seems funny :)

11.30
Stella:*enters Mac's office* I knew that you were still her.

Mac: *smiles*

Stella:And since I'm a friend,I decided to bring you something good to eat: a good Hamburger!

Mac:Well, ummm...Thanks Stella, but I have to say something...

Stella :Sure what is it?

Mac : I don't want it...

Stella :Why?

Mac :*looks at the floor* I'm vegeterian....
1年以上前 Olivine said…
omg XDDD nooo not mac
(no big mac for mac xD)
1年以上前 Chandlerfan said…
LOL!! I think all those dead bodies put him off meat...XDD
1年以上前 EnjoyHuddy said…
I thought about a new one!
This forum is pure fun by the way!

Stella :Hey Mac,did you page me?

Mac :Yes I did!

Stella : Well you said it was important then tell me.I'm out of breath because I thought it was really important so I runned all the way.

Mac :Oh I'm sorry for this, but you have to look at this *points at the paper he had in his hands*

Stella :What is it...did you find someting new?

Mac :No but look at the cover!If you move it a little you can see a little bunny dancing *begnis to giggle*

Stella :*speechless* That's it.

Mac :*starts to chuckle out loud*

Stella :*goes out of the room wondering if someone drag his coffee*

(I hope I didn't make any mistake :P)
last edited 1年以上前
1年以上前 Olivine said…
XDD love it