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Critical Analysis of Twilight 質問

What would あなた like to be changed about Twilight in a re-write?

Hullo, I'm obviously new to the group (and relatively new to Fanpop, seeing as I've been on a few times but never made an account), and I think that あなた guys are all fantastic! XD あなた sound like really civilized people, and I 愛 that.

But anyway, getting to my question..
I decided today, in the shower, that I would attempt a total re-write of the Twilight book. Not to sell または 表示する people, but just for my own experience and pleasure, me being an aspiring 作者 and all. I realized many flaws in the book, but I haven't read it completely myself (couldn't bring myself to finish it..) so I was wondering, what did あなた have a problem with in the book that you'd like to see changed if there were to be a re-write? I already have a list:

>Bella's personality (or lack thereof)/excessive criticism and inability to be pleased によって anything
>Edward's "abusive" behavior..
>Definition of the vampire
>Anti-climax... あなた know, the climax that didn't happen because she fainted
>The excessive amounts of unnecessary detail and purple prose

I'm absolutely happy to even fix a specific part, like how all those guys ask Bella if she was going to ask them to the Girl's Choice dance.
So, have あなた anything for me? :D I would really appreciate anything from everyone.
 Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
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Critical Analysis of Twilight 回答

HyperKnight9X said:
Where to begin with rewrites, lol! I'm an aspiring writer myself (it's my passion), and have often contemplated about doing a ファン fiction rewrite of Twilight (I'm もっと見る edging towards New Moon though because of how terrible and depressing it was).

Well, the first thing I would definitely want changed in a rewrite is NO SPARKLING VAMPIRES!

Exchange Edward's abusive behavior for a personality, and actually have it to where he did have some relationships before Bella. I hated how it seemed like he was forcing Bella to go to prom even though she wanted. They could have done something that maybe she really WANTED to do and still dress up.

Bella, let's face it, is one of the worst fictional characters, not to mention she's a tease. I grudgingly admit that I did like her in the first book, but in later books, forget it. I would like to see her as something of a better suited role model for girls (nothing hardcore like Wonder Woman). I would also 愛 to see her actually treated like a new kid and not get so much attention from the guys.

Give a reason for why Bella and Edward are in 愛 and not just because of his looks and her scent.

Honestly, I would probably also have it that through some charm または something that the Cullens are able to live out in the sunlight if あなた wanna keep the angle of them still going to high school.

Establish James as a villain, not just some addition lamely added in the last few chapters. Make us 愛 to hate him.

もっと見る importantly, the dialogue. Have to be careful with that.

Good luck!
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posted 1年以上前 
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XD Yes, those sparkling ヴァンパイア are out. I was actually thinking of doing the charm thing. Maybe something that can reduce the effect of the sun, at least just enough that a cloudy place like Forks won't allow them to be damaged. :D It sounds good enough for me.
Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
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And the personalities are definitely going to be fixed. Oh, yeah, James! I forgot about him. Giving James an actual character is going on the list. Thank you! :3
Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
XChatterbox14x said:
I would like to have changed, Edwards stalker like behaviour, Bella's lack of independance, Jacob falling in 愛 with a baby and i wouldn't write that the ヴァンパイア sparkle. I'm sure there's alot もっと見る that could be changed but these would be my main goals if i re wrote the story. :)
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posted 1年以上前 
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Yeah, the stalkerish-ness is definitely going, as well as the sparkliness. I'm only re-writing the first book, not the series, so I can't change anything about... Reneesme. XD または Jacob imprinting. But I definitely agree that those things are some that I would change. C:
Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
BlueBrooke said:
Hello~ ^.^

Good idea! :) I've had the same idea with another series, but kudos to あなた for taking the initiative. I'll try to help~
I think some definite changes to the plot line should be made, other than what あなた have stated.
Jasper needs もっと見る limelight. Yes, if I am a fangirl over any part of twilight, at all, it shall be over Jasper, of course, it's not necessary to make the book perfect, but I'd be very happy, so I suppose it's a selfish request.
There also needs to be もっと見る variety in Forks High School, in the amount/personality/behavior of the boys obsessed with Bella. That just needs changing.
Two もっと見る things:
Less Bella x Edward gushiness, it would help to make the actual plot line start sooner.
I suppose I could say the quality of the writing, but that goes with saying~ :) Seeing as it's being re-written.

Last one! :D It may not apply, but, in Eclipse, there needs to be もっと見る of a plot twist. It doesn't seem to make sense that Bella should figure out what "super-intelligent" ヴァンパイア failed to, and the context of that apocalypse doesn't make sense either. In my opinion, They shouldn't know until the last 分 that the vamps are after Bella, and red herrings (courtesy of someone known as A-l-i-c-e) should occur.

Wow! xD That was much もっと見る long-winded than I had originally planned.
Anyway, good luck on your re-write! :)

~~Blue
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posted 1年以上前 
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xD Oh, sorry, I just saw あなた were only rewriting the first book. So the Eclipse コメント doesn't apply. Nevermind~
BlueBrooke posted 1年以上前
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Yes, I'm just doing the first book. XD But thank あなた for your suggestions! I'll see what I can do to make Jasper get in もっと見る XD
Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
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xD Thank you~
BlueBrooke posted 1年以上前
DirtyDiamond said:
1. Give the Cullens もっと見る of a personality and もっと見る speech.
2. Edward wouldn't watch Bella sleep because and 3. Make Jacob fall in 愛 with Leah not a baby.
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posted 1年以上前 
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Definitely a Cullen personality change. That's going on in my head right now. I'm only doing the first book, so unfortunately I can't apply the last one, but thank あなた for suggestions anyway! :D
Rhyshian posted 1年以上前
penguin098 said:
I'll make it easy for you: CHange everything but there being a chracter named Bella who must decide between the two loves of her life (Edward and Jacob) but please write it in a way that there's an actual burden with chosing.

ALso: I would 愛 it あなた did post it, Twilight despratly needs to be re-written and i'd 愛 to see you're view

~Pengiun098~
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posted 1年以上前 
bri-marie said:
~Bella - I would make her less whiney and もっと見る relatable.
~Edward - erm... everything?
~Imprinting - it wouldn't be there.
~Vampires - they wouldn't sparkle
~Minor/background characters - I'd give them もっと見る attention. There were so many characters that had so much potential that were just left there. (I'm sure I would have hated Lauren had she actually, ya know, done something mean.)I also would have 発言しました what happened to them. I think SMeyer has them melt into vapor または something - they just kinda faded away.
~Climax - there would be a battle/fight/argument/conflict in every book.
~Grammar/spelling/word-usage - they wouldn't be there. または if they were, they would be minor problems, not in-your-face problems.
~Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened.
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posted 1年以上前 
wotcher-tonks said:
Everthing. Just everything.
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posted 1年以上前 
shriekingshack said:
One of the things I'd like to change is Meyers 説明 of vampires. I mean seriously, they sparkle? If i were to write a book i would not want one of my main characters to be a sparkling vampire... I'd also change the personalities of her characters(if they even have one). I mean Edward is an abusive stalker-ish obsessive boyfriend. Those traits are not good. And bella is someone who is dependent on Edward and is totally helpless without him and counts on him(or Jacob) to save the day. And Jacob imprinting on renesmee?Can i say gross much??
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posted 1年以上前 
shibo226 said:
I would change quite a bit...um a few?
a better villian, not just some 'and suddenly evil vamps come blah blah blah' A good evil character has to have a reason for being evil! They need to have something in their past that drove them to be evil.
Um what else...
Don't use the whole 'vampires are really just brooding goths' that's kinda old...

oh! the wolves, I'm sorry but the オオカミ annoyed me. They were not 'werewolves' they were shamens. A werewolf has no choise in it's transformation,while whilst in their beast form they loss their human mind. Shamens took the form of the thing the enemy feared most.

The Edward-bella-Jacob triange? only if there is some actual internal conflict. Not 'oh I 愛 edward but I kinda like Jacob too but I 愛 Edward more'
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posted 1年以上前 
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OMG! So agree about the Wolves, nnoyng much?? Yeah. And the 愛 三角形 - yawn!! But I did actually 愛 the baddies!! Team Edward? Team Jacob? Nah I'll take Team Volturi - Team Aro!!
JazzyV posted 1年以上前
tdafan121 said:
The physical answer is too long (It took up 6 pages on Word -.-) so I'll just say this:

Pretty much everything, but I'd mainly change the "sparkly vampires" bit and the way this book poisons the minds of innocent teenagers (and some adults...).
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posted 1年以上前 
SilverDoe29 said:
I think Edward should find it harder to resist killing Bella. I mean, he keeps going on about how difficult it is and yet always appears to be perfectly in control... He should at least really TRY to drink her blood once.

Secondly, make some non-vamps have a greater role. Humans who aren't Bella should get occasions to actually, あなた know, DO something....

Major thing to me; creat arguments. Between Edward and Bella, that is. I mean, proper ones. あなた can't have chemistry if nothing bad ever happens between them. This is mostly a problem in New Moon (I mean, c'mon! He left her! I don't care if it was for her own good, she should get a least a TINY bit angry!) but if you're only doing the first book, I'd really like あなた to fit in some proper chemistry.

And finnally, put もっと見る depth into Alice's friendship with Bella. It was something I actually liked in the books, and I'd have loved it if it could've been a little もっと見る well developed. Again, not constantly fine, add some real arguements.
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posted 1年以上前 
-Grace- said:
Ahaha, we disagree so entirely ^_^ For me the only problem was the ending. I hate children, and I don't like it when characters in 本 have them, because they 愛 the child もっと見る than each other :( I disliked Breaking Dawn purely because it was tragically lacking in certain fetus-expulsive surgical procedures.
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posted 1年以上前 
LowriLorenza89 said:
1. I'd make the majority of the characters slightly older. Esme and Carlisle would both be in their thirties (Carlisle can't be taken seriously as a doctor if he looks 23; in the UK he'd have just finished his degree at that age and I don't know if he'd have even finished his training in America. Also, I can't really see a family of late teens viewing adults in their twenties as parents, もっと見る like older siblings). Bella and Edward would be 18/19, the rest of the Cullens around the same age または slightly older. Bella would have moved back to Forks to attend a nearby college. Jacob would be in his final 年 in high school.
2. Bella would actually call Edward out about some of the stalkery/controlling things he does, e.g. watching her sleep, following her to Seattle, preventing her from visiting Jacob. They'd argue about it. Edward would realise why he was in the wrong, apologise and actually change his behaviour.
3. The conversation in Breaking Dawn regarding the different chromosome numbers of humans, ヴァンパイア and 狼男 would be omitted. It didn't make sense, 与えられた that the different beings can interbreed and turn into each other. It was also completely irrelevant.
4. The method of turning humans into ヴァンパイア would need to become a bit もっと見る complicated, to explain why Edward's venom didn't turn Bella when he sucked James' venom out (I can't think of another way to save her then, 与えられた that there were no non-venomous part-vampires nearby).
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posted 1年以上前 
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