I'm sorry for asking so many 質問 but I need help with this please :'(

Yes God can read your mind. But remember, God loves あなた and the people that あなた are thinking about. So he will not make bad things happen because あなた are thinking about them. God made あなた and loves あなた the way あなた are. I don't think he will change あなた into someone different unless it was for your good and His glory.
God does allow bad things to happen, but promises to bring good from it for all who 愛 him.
The thing about having these thoughts and fears is without meaning to, あなた may act in a way to bring them to be. It's called self fullfilled prophecy.
God still heals. He also uses doctors to help people. My thoughts are あなた need a proffesional to talk to and a doctor to possibly get the correct medication. It sounds like there may be a inbalance that can be corrected. There is no shame in getting help. But it is sad seeing someone living with this.
あなた seem to have a really good heart. I hope and pray that あなた receive the help あなた need. I want あなた to live and enjoy your life to your God 与えられた potential. God bless.
P.S. あなた know あなた can always send me a message if あなた ever need to chat. (:

well if it just randomly pops into your mind God knows whether you're serious または not serious because that crap happens to me too but i'm not serious about it